The Memories We Bury. H.A.Leuschel.

 "Wouldn't it be a blessing to forget some of our memories forever, erased from the mind as if they'd never happened?"

We begin in September 2016 when 30 year old Lizzie seems to be having a nightmare-standing alone by a dark lake feeling "helpless, aimless and without memory of what has happened." It is atmospheric with present continuous verbs of shaking and shudder[ing], naked feet sinking into a graphic image of mud, followed by a desperate scream. A hooded giant had chased Lizzie, caught her, dropped her into the water and pushed her under.

Over the course of the novella, Leuschel's first, the opening is ominous and complete with pathetic fallacy. This, in effect, is the end, the nightmare being the "remnants of confusing, unsettling years." She has survived three very difficult years being controlled, manipulated by Morag, a neighbour and a "surrogate" mother as well as a husband verging on the narcissistic who relishes having a trophy-wife but can't commit to the responsibilities of being married and having a son.


When we delve more into the story we realise the extent of Lizzie's victimisation. Her childhood was unhappy. Her insecurities dominated this very important time in her life, mainly caused by her cold, emotionless mother's constant criticism. There were moments when her mother tried unsuccessfully to show some admiration through Lizzie's gift of music. "Music became my haven." Her confidence grew and she was given a much needed direction in life. It energised her and was the one constant in her unhappy life that sustained her.

The story has a modern structure, alternating from Lizzie to Morag, dual narration to give us insight into the two main characters, their developing relationship, complete with frustrations and mistrust to the disintegration and psychological damage caused.

Morag, a widow in her sixties, felt discarded by her "adopted" daughter. She had had a harsh upbringing like Lizzie and it seems that Morag had continued the trend of being controlling, being too well-organised and not allowing any mess or disorganisation to invade the home!

In spite of Lizzie's whirlwind romance, a hasty and imprudent marriage followed by an unplanned pregnancy she was in such a vulnerable state, she was easy prey to Morag who made her feel special and acted as a mother substitute.

"What united us was the basic human need to escape being alone." 

Morag's grown-up children had chosen not to have children which had devastated her: "Sometimes you need to accept that you can't depend on your family for making your dreams come true."

So, she turned to Lizzie "a little bird in need of [her] care." She admitted to having lived in a "limbo" for a very long time. "I enjoyed being part of building a person from scratch." Worrying revelations!

Inevitably, the relationship turned sour. You will need to read it to find out what went horribly wrong. If you haven't read any of Leuschel's previous stories it is worth having a look or for those more well versed in her work on toxic relationships and manipulative people this continues the worrying trend. It seems that past memories, can cast long shadows over the present, shaping our lives. Does this mean being damaged for life? I'll let you decide that.

Published by EKT Selection LTD.

ISBN-13 BO845NSKV7.

Review by Carol Naylor.

Copyright 2021. Permission must be obtained from the author before any part of this review is reproduced.

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