Driving Over Lemons by Chris Stewart.
Dark shadows clouded my dreams of the sunny farm bright with geraniums and orange blossom. A valley teeming with murderous snakes guarding the entrance to a place of stones and scorpions.
Most of us can empathise with Chris and Ana for deciding to move to an idyllic but challenging life in the mountains of Andalucia. Isn't it everyone's dream perhaps? Or perhaps that should read nightmare.
Chris found his paradise early on in his house-hunting days. La Herradura would have been his first choice but he was discouraged from purchasing it because of complications in multiple owners not wishing to sell. His second choice was El Valero set amongst orange and lemon trees, olives and blossoming almonds. What could be more Spanish or delightful to the eye? A mountain farm, just what he desired.
My head was whirling with excitement; wild ideas and dreams pouring in.
Once the excitement levelled, he then realised why Pedro Romero was so keen to sell-a dam was going to be built across the gorge and flood the valley. In simple terms it meant that paradise would be flooded. Paradise submerged is what he calls it. The nightmare begins right here.
Ana came to inspect the property and wasn't particularly impressed and handed Chris a list of all the repairs needed before the house could become their home. Romero and his wife were still living at the farm and there was tension in the air: a thick silence ensued. I felt like a dead pig in a tea-room.
The Stewarts returned to the UK and the intention was to move within 9 months but like an overexcited child, Chris decided after 6 months to return, wanting to learn as much as he could about running the farm before Pedro finally moved out for good.
He forges a long-lasting friendship with one of his neighbours, Domingo and his parents. Domingo was an exceptional character showing an endless knowledge of the land and farming. He was wise as well as practically minded. When he was around, things that appeared impossible got done as if by magic.
The move to Spain seemed an anti-climax as they stared morosely through the pathetic little wedges of window resembling refugees forced to leave a beloved homeland.
He soon becomes disillusioned when he discovers rumours that Pedro Romero has taken advantage of his innocence and good nature by stealing from the farm.
The Matanzas or pig-killing is a winter tradition with everyone getting involved in one way or another. The men had to fortify themselves with anis or brandy, as much alcohol coursing around the system as was possible. A horrible business with the same mix of repulsion and excitement as bullfighting. Graphic details convey the horror of the occasion.
Chris Stewart introduced the modern art of sheep-shearing to farmers who still sheared by hand. He told one of the shepherds that he had shorn 150,000 sheep without having to tie one up! The local farmers were sceptical but Chris was an attraction and a good crowd had gathered to watch this event.
Buying sheep was important to Chris but Ana had a few reservations.
No groom preparing a nuptial chamber for the arrival of his bride could have taken more care than I did in fixing the temporary stable.
His small moment of triumph came with the first lambs born on the farm. From then onwards the farm thrived on regular sales of lamb. An abundance of olives weighing 500k brought in extra income. As the future was becoming brighter, Ana announced her pregnancy out of the blue to a shocked husband.
Were we really the sort of people to take in this awesome responsibility? Was the eccentric lifestyle we had chosen the right thing for a creature as delicate as a baby?
The answer had to be yes. During the labour, Chris kept fainting and had to be removed from the theatre. When a blue rubbery thing was plonked on a towel on the sideboard Chris was paranoid in case the baby was abnormal. Once this blue rubbery thing became recognisable as his daughter he felt very sentimental, transfixed and enslaved. They called her Chloe. She was 3 when they christened her. They celebrated with paella and covered the tables with snowy cloths and wild flowers. Chloe had to be bribed with a bar of chocolate to allow Richard, the retired vicar, to anoint her with holy water and oil but the ceremony went without any hiccups. The informal congregation sang All Things Bright and Beautiful which soared across the valley gathering in strength.
We hear about the drought and the heavy rains, the flooding of the river, the awesome erosion when the mountains were almost being swept down to the sea, the sense of isolation, feeling disheartened and threatened. but they survived and became stronger as a family. Chloe thrived and the farm flourished. The Stewarts felt that buying El Valero had been the right decision and they were able to weather the storms.
Once you have finished Driving Over Lemons you have the sequel to look forward to: A Parrot in the Pepper Tree.
Publisher: Sort of Books. ISBN: 0-9535227-0-9 Also available on ekindle.
Copyright 2013. Permission must be obtained from the author before this review is reproduced.
Word has got out that the book is set for the big screen meaning a tv series sometime in 2022. Scriptwriter Dan Sefton of Seven Seas Films stated: " The story intrigued us from the start- so many of us have daydreamed about uprooting our lives for sunnier climes." Film location will be in the Alpujarres where the story is set. Sefton believes the series will be "captivating." He went on to add: "His tales of the reality of doing this has provided the most brilliant story filled with humour, miscommunication, inspiration, challenges and gratitude. And all set against the gorgeous Andalusian backdrop. I think audiences will fall for its charm, as much as we have."
"Driving Over Lemons" is the first in a set of four autobiographical stories.
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